I knew from the start that I would breast feed Olivia. It was a no brainer from the get go. With all the obvious benefits that breast feeding provides, I didn't want to feed her any other way. I also knew it would be a natural and personal way for us to bond. So naturally being the type A research crazed person that I am, took all the breast feeding classes the hospital had to offer while pregnant. Everything from the essential basics, to pumping and storage while at work. I was more than ready to go when she was born. Or so I thought.
When Olivia arrived and we had the time to ourselves after my c-section, I put her to breast and she immediately took. She latched on well and we were on our way to a very happy and healthy feeding routine. The lactation consultants at the hospital were overly pleased with our progress saying how lucky I was to have such a great baby who knew exactly what to do. Boy, was I proud. It was probably one of my first proud parenting moments. Granted, we were both learning different positions and what worked best for us without hurting me (I will admit it wasn't pleasant at first), but in the end we figured it out and it was great and still is. There's no pain, she feeds frequently and she feeds well and has been thriving since day one.
In all the literature and coursework I had about breast feeding, it was clear to never introduce a bottle or artificial nipple before four weeks to avoid nipple confusion and to adequately build up milk supply. No where did it mention how important it was to introduce bottle after you've got breast feeding down cold. And thus dilemma struck for this working mom.With my maternity leave winding down, I was panic stricken since Olivia just refused to take a bottle. We first tried when she was six weeks old, but she just didn't like it. To be honest, because she was feeding so well with me and work seemed so long from then, I just kept nursing and would only introduce the bottle every so often. At my wits end, I called the hospital's lactation consultants around the time Olivia was eleven weeks, and got a bit of a tongue lashing. "I ALWAYS tell my patients to introduce bottle at three weeks. It's too late and you've got a lot of work ahead of you." YIKES.
We purchased several different bottles with different flow speeds. We tried grandma and dad giving her the bottle with no luck. I tried leaving the room. I tried leaving the house. Latex nipples and silicone nipples. All the same outcome. Nothing worked. She'll allow that fake nipple in her mouth for a few minutes while she plays with it. Then, she just screams and cries until she gets what she wants because I cave and her crying rips me apart. Baby to breast, then relief for all.
Well, here I am four weeks from work still without success. How would our nanny feed her? Would she starve? How will she make it through the day? I was really panicking now. So after some research and careful consideration, we decided to do a standoff of breast feeding. We committed a day to offering nothing but bottle. I would give her one last feeding in the morning and then, pump regularly to keep up supply and feed her fresh milk so it's not too unfamiliar, but otherwise, nothing but bottle.
The day was horrible. A lot of crying and a lot of soothing and a lot of mommy and daddy feeling helpless. She wailed, screamed, cried. She made sounds I didn't know she could. I cried, I left the house, I left the room, I handed her to dad. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. We would soothe her with rocking, bouncing. We reasoned with her telling her how important it was for her to learn. I would apologize to her over and over again. She was tired, she was hoarse and to be honest, so were we. It was a nightmare.
In the end I learned a few things (other than needing to introduce bottle around four weeks for our next child). First thing, I never realized how breast feeding made me feel. After a day of not feeding, I felt not only helpless, but empty, like I was missing something. I know all the literature states how bonding is solidified through breast feeding, but I never knew to what extent until today. The time Olivia and I share during nursing sessions really are precious, it's something that can't be put into words. I'm cherishing what I can of our nursing relationship. This episode made me appreciate her and our ability to nurse so easily. Secondly, it occurred to me that this was our first battle of the wills. I realized that this would be one of many battles between Olivia and ourselves. In the end, I know it was for not only necessary for her but for us to carry on a healthy happy lifestyle upon my return to work.
In the end, Olivia ended up taking a bottle after eight hours. She sucked down only two ounces, but it was success nonetheless. We are working on getting her to actually take the bottle from someone other than mommy now. There may be a Stand Off 2.0 where daddy is alone with her, I hate the thought of it, but it may be necessary. We'll be testing bottle feeding with grandmas this weekend. Wish us luck!
Oh the joys of parenting...
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