Mommy's First Week of Work

Well, I did it. I survived! Of course, with the obligatory crying session on the way to work and the first time expressing breast milk away from home. oh, and the whole breaking down every time I thought of Baby O, I thought I did pretty well.

Monday was the worst day ever. No exaggeration. I had no idea what I was doing when I left. A billion worries crossed my mind. Did, I leave enough milk for the nanny? What if she wakes up and realizes I'm not there? Will she cry the entire time I'm gone? How will she sleep? Will the nanny get frustrated if she does indeed cry all day? What have I done to my baby?! Oh and don't get me started about when I actually got to the office! I had no access to anything other than email. I spent the majority of the time talking to colleagues about being a mom (and holding back all my tears meanwhile). I felt like I wasted an entire day doing nothing and thus having been a terrible mom for leaving my child for nothing. Ugh.

But as the days went on, and work seemed to be back to normal as I gained access into our systems...I felt a sense of relief. Baby O was doing just fine. Sure, she had good days and not so good days, but she was happy, fed and safe. I was getting into a routine that frankly, felt more productive than before I had the baby. I developed a pretty tight schedule with no room for BS (pre-mommyhood) was filled with a lot of BS. Bottles were washed and ready before bed, awake to nurse, got myself ready, nanny comes, checked emails, made a few phone calls and put the door for client meetings. I'd be home by 4 or 5 and dedicated all my time to baby until putting her down to bed. Had dinner, caught up with the hubby and finished off the remainder of my work an into bed I went. Productive. Having this baby sure changes me. No procrastination, doing so would mean sacrificing time with her down the line which I am not willing to do. No BS because that would lead to more work which would potentially lead to procrastination and again, no way.

So yes, the first week back was extremely hard, but it was ok. I survived. My baby survived. My husband survived. By Friday night, I still had a smiling baby who seems to still love me and a husband who was relieved to see the first week over with. On top of it all, I think I thrived. That was the most surprising part. But then again there's always next week...